Wisdom Toothy Smoothie

So, since I’ve been relegated to drinking my food, I’ve been trying to find a good smoothie. Milkshakes are too sweet and not that healthy for day after day consumption unless I’m looking to take up Sumo wrestling. I tried a berry one, but since the blended berries got stuck in my teeth and flossing really hurts and keeps making me bleed…well, you get the idea. I needed something healthy, tasty and easy to make. Really easy to make. I’m still dopey, you know.

Here’s what I’ve come up with:

• 3 ice cubes
• small banana
• 1/2 small container plain non-fat yogurt (3 oz)
• two tablespoons of Ovaltine powder (chocolate malt, baby!)
• two teaspoons of peanutbutter
• splash of skim milk

Throw it in the blender and do it up!

My Oral Surgeon Can Bite Me

On Friday, I did something that I’ve been putting off for over a decade. I got my wisdom teeth out. All four. Impacted. One growing sideways (which required some fake bone). At the age of 31. I hate the dentist to begin with…the regular cleaning makes me curl into a ball, so this is a special sort of hell. (Honestly, the only reason I’m writing this is because after four days of doing very little but hold ice packs, gently rinsing and spacing out on painkillers, I’m damn bored.)

My husband has been great–although the jerk doesn’t have any wisdom teeth so he doesn’t know what this is all about. But he even offered to watch football on the small TV so he could keep me company. The pain has been very strange…my tongue and gums are so swollen that I feel like my mouth has taken over my entire body. My jaw is sore and i can barely open my mouth enough to gently brush my teeth as instructed.

Let me tell you, I’d kill a man and a small kitty for a grilled cheese right now. I’ve had my fill of mashed potatoes, lukewarm soup, smoothies and polenta. My co-worker gave me the good idea of Slim-Fast shakes, but even those lost their luster very soon. At first I thought this would be a great diet, a nice opportunity to get creative with cooking. Aside from pureeing a healthy version of creamed spinach, there wasn’t a whole lot of creativity to be had.

Yesterday I woke up and the pain was worse. Excuse me? Three days in and it gets worse? Budgeting my Vicodin to get me through today was…painful, pun intended. I called at 8:30 a.m.  to see what could me done, but no dentist was available to consult with until an appointment tomorrow at 9am. I just got a call today at 5:46 p.m. and hallelujiah, more pain killers! That’s a start…

However, I’m afraid I’m going to permanently look like an Asian chipmunk who lisps because my inner cheek is keeping me from enunciating my words.

Baking is…complicated!

For our wedding, a friend gave me a copy of Baking Illustrated, apparently the Bible of baking. She was probably tired of my panicked emails saying, “why did my cookies come out like muffins????” and “Uh…is it supposed to look like this?” complete with pictures. I started reading it this morning, and have now realized that baking is complicated. The writers launch into protein content of flour and the acidic and alkaline properties of things like baking powder, soda and cream of tartar.

So far I have learned that I’ve been storing my cornmeal and whole wheat flour incorrectly (did you know that if you don’t store it in airtight containers in the freezer, it can go rancid?!), using old butter, and putting my eggs in the wrong place in the fridge. I wonder if I might have inadvertently poisoned everyone I love over the years.

However, I’ve also learned about how to properly measure sifted flour, that there really is no difference in light or dark brown sugar, and that true Irish soda bread doesn’t have eggs in it. I just hit the yeast bread section and already have a long list of things to make–blueberry muffins, homemade pretzels, the previously mentioned Irish soda bread…and I’m only 70 pages in!

While I try to make cooking recipes my own, the scientific explanations in this book make me think that meddling with a baking recipe might not be the best idea. With my luck, I’ll wind up with a flat cake heavy as a rock, and smooshy muffins.

Shrimp & “Polenta Grits”

For Christmas, a friend gave us a cookbook for newlyweds full of good recipes. The shrimp and grits one sounded really good, and looked sort of fancy…something that might win me good wife points. Of course, I have to make it my own by tweaking things a little bit, and replacing some thing to make it healthier. So, here’s my slightly healthier version.

New Year’s Dumplings

Yes, I made a bunch. Here’s the recipe.

Butternut Squash and Turkey Sausage Lasagna

Last winter, my friend sent me a pumpkin and sausage lasagna recipe from Rachael Ray (who, as a side note, I sort of hate). My friend had made some brilliant alterations to it like using butternut squash and adding kale. So, I altered it a little more to add some spice and here you go:

Yoda’s a Lucky Car

So here in CT, we were walloped by a winter storm. This morning, this is what we woke up to:

There’s a tree. Fallen. To the right of it is my car, Yoda the Toyota. Talk about a close call. The man clearing off my car is the new husband. I think I’ll keep him.